CHARLESTON AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. –
The weekend was not all that bad. I had only received five calls and was only required to go in to work twice, which totaled four hours of lost sleep, but this is what I volunteered for.
My lovely bride of the past 21 years knows that I happen to enjoy a good dark beer. So after a weekend like I had, she decided to be nice and pick me up a bottle of dark beer. Now, when I'm talking a bottle, I'm talking a 22-ounce bottle of micro-brewed dark beer.
Come Tuesday, I was able to sneak out after only 11 hours of work. I got home, ate dinner, played fetch with the dog, then my wife asked if I wanted to watch a funny movie with her. So I came in and went to the fridge to grab something to drink, for while I was watching the comedy, I saw "The Beer."
My squadron has had three driving under the influence offenses this year. This is definitely three too many. So, as I stared at "The Beer," I started thinking 0-0-1-3. Zero underage drinking. Heck, I've been married so long my marriage is legal to drink. Zero DUIs. Well, I don't have to drive home, I'm already here. Next was one beer per hour. Well, it's a two-hour movie and I had one double-sized beer throughout a two-hour movie. No more than three beers a night. Got it; this one big bottle only equals two beers.
So, my wife and I are on the couch laughing our way through a great movie. After one hour, I look at my half empty bottle and realize I'm a little light-headed. I'm thinking, maybe I'm too tired or possibly just a little dehydrated ... but it just doesn't feel right. After another half hour and another quarter of beer, I started to read the label. The government warning on this bottle says I shouldn't drink while pregnant -- well, no kidding! I then look at the bottom left corner of the bottle and see the 9.5 percent alcohol. What?! 9.5 percent! My usual beer is only 3.8 percent. No wonder I'm light-headed.
Well, I have this personal rule. Never do public math, but I think it's time I bend the rule on this one. A 9.5 percent beer contains approximately two-and-a-half times the alcohol of a usual beer. So one double beer times 2.5 the alcohol, equals five beers. I just drank five beers! At this point, I let my wife know that if I get called in to work, I am not driving anywhere!
A quick internet search of The Post and Courier article dated July 18, 2007, let me know that: "A new state law took effect in early May that opened up the market to brews with an alcohol content up to 14 percent by weight. The old limit was 5 percent."
Now, a 14-percent beer contains the same amount of alcohol as three-and-a-half beers. So that would equal seven beers in a 22-ounce bottle. Not only that, but the article went on to say that, "Many list the alcohol percentage somewhere on the label, but not all. So buyer beware."
Heck with the buyer! Drivers beware; one beer may put you over the legal limit. Please do not only have a plan, but have a back-up plan in case the first plan fails.