CHARLESTON AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. –
Beth "Rainbow" Trout spawned an amazing 13-3 record and is the big winner in week three. Her record was verified by the accounting firm of Deuce, Humpy and Redhead and was delivered to Swami Headquarters in a hermetically sealed envelope from an armored courier.
Beth edged Wendall Donaldson, Amanda "Port Dawg" King, Kenneth "Shockmeister" Shockley and Louis "head of the" Class, who all posted sweet 11-5 records.
The Swami is known for fair and balanced reporting so I will report the "Cowgirls" narrowly defeated the fangless "Prancers." At press time, I have not been able to locate a score on the Steelers and Bengals game, so I will assume my beloved Steelers won. This week's "stink out loud award" is a three-way tie between the "Deadskins," who allowed the Lions their first win in 47 years, the "St. Louie Lambs" who remain winless and the "Crapolina Prancers" who allowed "Da Boys" the first win in the Jones-mahal.
The Great One did uncover the reason Dallas was the last NFL team to get a Web site; it is because they cannot put three W's in a row.
This week's "cellar dweller dunce cap" award is shared by "Big" Al Urrutia and Alan "Greenspan" Moyer, who both stumbled and bumbled enroute to 8-8 records.
For homework, the all knowing self-proclaimed king of football is going to make them read a signed copy of my new book entitled, "I know everything about football so shut your pie hole."
Now on to my week five, stone-cold, steel-pipe lock, cash in your thrift savings plan, guaranteed winning predictions: Please e-mail picks to 437mxs.swami@charleston.af.mil by Oct. 9.
Sunday, Oct. 11
Time Visiting Team Home Team
1 p.m. Cincinnati Bengals Baltimore Ravens
1 p.m. Cleveland Browns Buffalo Bills
1 p.m. Washington Redskins Carolina Panthers
1 p.m. Pittsburgh Steelers Detroit Lions
1 p.m. Dallas Cowboys Kansas City Chiefs
1 p.m. Oakland Raiders New York Giants
1 p.m. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Philadelphia Eagles
1 p.m. Minnesota Vikings St. Louis Rams
4:05 p.m. Atlanta Falcons San Francisco 49ers
4:15 p.m. Houston Texans Arizona Cardinals
4:15 p.m. New England Patriots Denver Broncos
4:15 p.m. Jacksonville Jaguars Seattle Seahawks
8:20 p.m. Indianapolis Colts Tennessee Titans
Monday, Oct. 12
Time Visiting Team Home Team
8:30 p.m. New York Jets Miami Dolphins