CHARLESTON AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. –
As military members we are pulled in a hundred directions simultaneously. Professional and personal lives often overlap and conflict with one another. The mission, training, temporary duties, deployments, family, marriage, personal and spiritual aspects of our lives compete for the most precious commodity in existence ... time. How do we differentiate between that which is "important" in our lives and that which is "urgent?"
I'll admit, I'm a self-declared "mission comes first" adherent. I have missed many family holidays as the mission has required. I have volunteered for deployments no one else would take. However, at the same time, I love my wife and kids, and my personal belief system makes them the priority in my life. This has often led to a struggle of how best to balance these two often competing priorities.
In my 14 years as a security forces officer, the majority of my jobs and leadership positions were truly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year demanding. My chosen career in the profession of arms is extremely exciting and challenging ... and I wouldn't have it any other way. I struggled early in my career attempting to balance and reconcile the tug-of-war pulling me between my professional and my personal commitments. I'd like to think I have become better, and smarter in balancing these two priorities. You may have to ask my wife and kids if they share in my optimism.
A number of years ago, I read an article written by Army Col. Mark Blum, 212th Field Artillery Brigade commander, titled "Important vs. Urgent." I believe he has some very wise insights as he looked back from the senior level of his career at how he might have better balanced his chosen profession and personal life, had he the chance to do it again. He also offers advice for those who find themselves striving to balance competing interests in their lives. I'd like to share selected portions of this article with you.
Col. Blum starts, "My wife and I took our daughter to college a week ago. She's our last child to leave the house as our son has been in college for a couple of years now, and it seems a little empty right now.
"As I look back, I wonder what I might have done differently if I'd known everything I know now. The Army is a great place to raise a kid, but I think I'd make a few changes given the chance.
"There are a lot of good reasons to spend time with your family, and far fewer good reasons not to. I've been in the field on my share of birthdays and holidays, and there's not much we can do about that.
"Still, here's what I'd change: I'd leave work every day by 1800 if at all possible, and earlier if I could. We work from before our children to go school until after they go to bed at night sometimes when they're small. How many hours might I have spent with them in the evening if I'd realized the chance doesn't come around again?
"I'd save less money and have more fun.
"I think I'd take more long summer vacations to really memorable places with the kids instead of making the PCS move part of the vacation. I'd make it a priority for them to see their grandparents more often, regardless of where we lived.
"I'd leave more of my problems at work, and when I walked through the door at night I'd be more absorbed in their worlds. I could have thought about most of those problems after they went to bed.
"I'd never again lose a day of annual leave. One year I lost 24 days - what a waste.
"I once had a boss who talked about the difference between what's 'urgent' and what's 'important.' He hadn't learned that lesson until late in his career, and didn't want others to make the same mistakes. He always worked long hours, even once missing his son's Eagle Scout initiation because of something happening he felt he needed to deal with, but later wished he'd left to someone else."
"He had three rules to determine the difference between 'important' and 'urgent,' and if an event were important he'd offer that you should think long and hard before missing it.
"To him, an event is important if:
1. It is important to someone who's important to you.
2. Your personal presence makes a difference.
3. The opportunity is not going to come around again.
"If those three conditions are satisfied, you have a pretty good idea what you should focus on.
"Overall, I think military life has been great for my family, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The choices I've made have been mine, and I haven't always made the right ones for the right reasons. Even so, kids survive parents learning 'as we go.'
"My advice is to make your choices wisely. The object for all of us is to make sure we run out of career before we run out of family. For more than 20 years, we've had at least one kid in the house at all times. Now it's just us, which is what we had when we started, at least until Thanksgiving. We're already looking forward to that time this year."
With a "mission first" focus, and the everyday, all-day, no-fail security forces responsibility, my family and I have realized we must sacrifice to serve others. However, I see my challenge as balancing the "important" versus the "urgent" to ensure they are not shoved completely out of the picture.
Of course, Colonel Blum's thoughts and ideas on "important" versus "urgent" are based on his personal experiences and circumstances. Our individual circumstances, stages of life, and professional demands are different and require adaptive approaches and personal choices.
However, just as advice from a professional mentor can help a career, so can ideas and advice from these same mentors help us achieve other goals as well, such as deciding what is "important" and "urgent" in our lives.