JOINT BASE CHARLESTON, S.C. –
Tis the season to be jolly ... well, we hope. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Certainly we like to think of the holiday season as a time of joy and merriment, a time to be spent with family and friends, and to focus on the things that are most important to us. If you are like me, there is a very specific focus on turkey and pumpkin pie.
Whatever your visions of the holidays may be, the reality is that the week before Thanksgiving into the first week or so of the new year can involve increased stress, pressure, exhaustion and even depression. In fact, some experts suggest that as many as one out of 10 people feel depressed during the holiday season. Other studies suggest this number could be higher.
The good news is that most people bounce back just fine. There are things people can do to raise their spirits or ward off the holiday blues altogether. Consider expectations. We often start with very high expectations for the holidays, maybe something like, "This will be the best Christmas ever," or "I want this season to be exactly like it was when ..." We may very often have an unrealistic ideal in mind or want to recreate something that, for whatever reason, is no longer feasible. Also, we will accept the often unrealistic expectations our families and friends put on us. Is it really possible to see your family and your spouse's family on Christmas Eve, when your family lives in Iowa and his or her family lives in Washington state? Do we need to feel guilty about not being able to do the impossible? To deal with the problem of expectations, we need to focus on being realistic. We also may need to consider being flexible enough to start brand new traditions. Trying something new can have a positive effect on mood and stress.
How many shopping days are left until Christmas? Learning to pace yourself can also help significantly with stress and depression during the holiday season. After the 10th holiday party, the 100th trip to the mall, the 1,000th hour of gift wrapping, etc., many people have difficulty enjoying themselves once the actual holiday arrives. Then, we either beat ourselves up for not being able to keep up or for not being the "cheery host" everyone expects. Simplify, simplify, simplify. This may require us to turn down a few invites and, I'm sorry to say, to disappoint a few people. Ultimately, however, it may make for a more relaxing, enjoyable holiday. By the way, one of the dictionary's definitions of the word holiday is "a period of relaxation," wouldn't that be nice?
Along with pace, keep in mind the need for moderation in the things we do. The holidays often become an opportunity for excess. Food and alcohol are in abundance. We tend to speak in terms of feasts and parties rather than meals and get-togethers. Foods high in fats and sugars (an obviously common part of the season) and the depressive effects of alcohol can have direct impacts on our mood and energy. Finances may also be a prime area in which moderation is needed. It is too easy to overextend. Setting spending limits may save a great deal of pain. Remember, whatever we buy now, we pay for later (in such ways as debt, weight gain, or negative consequences). This can definitely increase stress, anxiety, and depression even beyond the holiday season.
To help us simplify and moderate this holiday season, our focus and attitude can take us a long way. What is your purpose for celebrating during this time of year? The main underpinning of this season has to do with spirituality. For many, a simple refocus of priorities and remembering "the reason for the season" can go a long way in reducing the "noise" all around us. A focus on others can also have a great positive effect on our mood and coping. Share your home with someone who is alone. Volunteer or donate to a charitable organization. You will not only brighten someone else's life, you may just brighten your own in the process.
Besides circumstances particular to the hustle and bustle of the holidays, we should also consider possible deeper concerns that can impact our mood during the holiday season. There may be a pre-existing mood disorder or this may be a holiday filled with grief, the first without a specific loved one or the first away from home. There are many other types of losses or changes as well, too numerous to list here. What do we do? The best buffer to stress and depression is social support. Being around others who are supportive (and hopefully fun to be with) can help both with deeper issues and more season-specific circumstances discussed above. This may be the year to make a new friend or reconnect with an old one.
Given all this talk about acute stressors and deeper concerns that may surface during this time of year, a brief discussion of suicide is necessary. Depression is indeed a risk factor for suicide, as are a sense of loss and acute stress. The good news is that, as described above, the majority of people who experience some level of the holiday blues bounce back. In fact, the popular belief is that suicides increase during the holidays and winter. Actually, spring and summer tend to have higher suicide rates. Nonetheless, we need to remain vigilant for concerning changes in ourselves and others.
If someone is having a particularly difficult time coping this holiday season, and certainly if there is any concern at all about the possibility of suicide, there are resources available to help. Options include the Mental Health Clinic, the Chaplain's office, Military and Family Readiness, Military and Family Life Consultants, your medical provider, or Military OneSource. Need some help getting started? Reach out to friends, family, supervisors, mentors, commanders, or first sergeants. Bottom line: if things get really bad, talk to someone.
I sincerely hope that this holiday season is indeed a time of joy and merriment, a time to be spent with family and friends, and a time to focus on the things that are most important to you. Please do your best to relax and enjoy yourself. Take a well deserved break. If the holiday blues do happen to come your way, just remember there are things you can do to start singing a different tune. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do ... and presents to wrap ... and parties to attend ... (Uh oh, I guess I'd better reread this article!) Anyway, "ho ho ho" to all and have a blessed holiday.