JOINT BASE CHARLESTON, S.C. –
My most important job is raising my daughters. While my faith in God and relationship with my wife are more important, I consider neither of those a job, but rather relationships. While it's true I have a relationship with my daughters, it's my duty to raise them to have good morals and character, to contribute to our society, and I hope, to love God. Wow, I could throw in my desire to foster world peace while I'm at it, but let's be realistic.
Being a good dad is probably one of the toughest jobs out there (after being a good mom, of course). President Obama calls it one of his hardest jobs, but most rewarding. I second that! The importance of being a good dad is indisputable; even our Commander-in-Chief has very publicly stressed its importance at various times and has initiated his Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative at www.fatherhood.gov. On this web site are great resources to help dads be better dads. I particularly like the "Tips and Activities" at the "For Dads" tab for ideas to spend time with your kids. Additionally, President Obama has declared this the year of 'Strong Fathers, Strong Families,' as part of his Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative, as an effort to partner with organizations and companies from around the nation to create simple opportunities for dads and kids to connect.
Being a good dad is, of course, subjective, but I'd offer that there's one main "ingredient" necessary for a successful fatherhood recipe: time. There is no short cut to spending time with your kids. They deserve it and need it. The president similarly lists spending time with your kids as most important and elaborates that fathers need to spend quality time with their kids by being both physically and mentally present with them. The president offers a couple more things that kids need most: structure and our unconditional love. They need structure to provide boundaries and the values of self-discipline, self-control, selflessness and responsibility. And unconditional love provides the cornerstone for a child's self-esteem. It tells the child "I believe in you, I'm here for you, and I love you no matter what." I imagine that gets harder as girls hit their teens ... I'll find out soon enough.
Being a good dad in the military can be even harder ... often frequent and long deployments prevent us from spending the time we'd like to with our kids and the time they need. Technology has, for many deployers, made keeping in touch with kids easier, but it's no substitute for being there with them. I recently returned from a deployment and was thrilled to have the two weeks to get re-acquainted with my girls. About a month prior to my return, I encouraged each of them to make a list of things they wanted to do with me when I was home during those two weeks. It gave all of us something to look forward to. I also encourage dads to go on regular date nights with their kids - one on one time with minimal distractions (though "distractions" at Chuck E. Cheese are kind of the point for my youngest; I'm thankful my oldest favors Thai food).
Dads, do not be discouraged by your failings. No one is the perfect father. But it's never too late to be a better dad, whether your kids are toddlers or teens. Spend quality time with them. Set and enforce standards and structure. And love them unconditionally.
Here are some other great resources to help dads be better dads:
www.fatherhood.org is the website for the National Fatherhood Initiative, founded in 1994, "to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible and committed fathers." It has a huge assortment of resources for fathers - I highly encourage dads to check it out.
Another site, http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/dad/index.shtm , looks at those all-too-familiar sayings our dads used to say and applies them towards lessons we should teach our older kids about consumer and identity protection.
And for me, a couple key verses from the Bible: "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4