JOINT BASE CHARLESTON, S.C. –
"A mentor is not someone who walks ahead of you to show you how they did it. A mentor walks alongside you to show you what you can do" - Simon Sinek
So, how exactly does one choose a mentor? What even makes someone a
mentor? Is it by rank? Experience? Does being a boss automatically make you
a mentor?
Google provided nearly 29 million hits when I typed in that question. And you know if it's on the internet, it has to be true. But still, 29 million is a bit much.
So, instead of giving you a summary of those 29 million hits, I'll tell you what I look for in a mentor. I don't go by age, rank or career field. Heck, I'm not even 100 percent the product of military mentors, although the majority of my mentors have spent some time in the service. Here are some of the things I use as guidelines:
First, here's what is not important:
Age, rank or level of experience: These may seem odd. Don't you want a wizened, distinguished mentor? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I have mentors of all ranks, ages, specialties and more. Just because you're a higher rank doesn't mean you have all the answers or know the latest and greatest. Moreover, just because you're young and junior doesn't mean you don't have great ideas or aren't skilled. Everybody has different experience and brings something new to the fight. A hugely untapped resource is your peers. They're in the same boat and can often offer valuable insight. I consider most of my friends to be both friends and mentors.
Official titles: What is meant here is that a mentor does not have to be labeled as such. As stated above, many of my friends are mentors of one form or another. What do I call them? Friends. And, as she will be reading this, I must add that my wife also acts as my mentor (hi honey!). A mentor-mentee relationship does not have to be formal and officially established. Many of my mentors don't even know I consider them as such.
Good working relationship: This one probably seems odd, but you can learn just as much, if not more, from a bad work relationship than from a good one. Think back about the worst boss you've had. Learn anything from that experience? What would you do differently?
Here is what is important:
Trust: You have to be able to trust your mentor. Trust that person to give you good, solid advice and have your best interests at heart.
Competence: This should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway. A mentor needs to be good at his or her job but more importantly, they have to be good at what they're advising. If not, what's the point of going to him or her for advice?
Rapport: I know I said a good working relationship is not important, but if your mentor is someone you're going to go back to again and again, it's nice if you actually do get along with them. Rapport is important for the long-term mentor-mentee relationships.
Caring: Your mentor needs to care about you and your future. This is fairly vague and ambiguous mentorship guidance. Then again, so is the nature of the mentorship business. Not every good leader makes a good mentor. However, you can learn something from every leader.
Figure out what you're looking for and start looking for people, friends, family members, co-workers and leaders who you respect and can help guide you. It doesn't have to be formal. When you find those people, talk to them. That's the best way this mentorship thing works.
And, when someone comes to you for advice and counsel, be there for them. It's what mentors do.