JOINT BASE CHARLESTON, S.C. –
I have a story to tell. It isn't a happy story ... but it is mine, and it does have a happy ending. It's a story I've pretty much kept to myself for almost 13 years. It is also a tale that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I was sexually assaulted. No, ... I was raped.
"But wait a minute petty officer, Sexual Assault Awareness Month was last month."
Yes it was and that is why I have finally worked up my nerve to tell this story.
I was 17 when I enlisted, wide eyed and ready to see the world. Like most kids my age, I thought I knew it all. Boot camp changed that. I quickly learned I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. But, in a few short months, I learned how to be a Sailor. I took the Navy's core values to heart and I learned the pride of belonging to something bigger than myself; and most importantly, how shipmates take care of shipmates.
My first assignment was a ship stationed out of Yokosuka, Japan. I was assigned to the deck department and was assigned a sponsor. He took me under his wing, made sure I was where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there and helped me get my career started. I trusted him. He became a mentor, teacher and confidante. He also raped me.
Yes, I was young, and yes, I wasn't always the "Model" Sailor. I was independent and overseas and I might have had one or two too many during an evening on the town. But having too much to drink is not an open invitation to being raped. I never thought that another shipmate would let something like that happen to another Sailor, much less perpetrate the act themselves.
I wish I could tell you that I fought bravely while he raped me, but in fact, I shut down. And perhaps that is what troubles me the most about that night. I shut down. I couldn't fight back. Here was the one person in the world that I trusted and looked to for advice and he was trying to take my very soul. I think I was in shock.
I didn't talk about the incident for two days. I mean, seriously, I was far, far from home and my immediate supervisor in my chain of command had just raped me. My mood alternated between confusion and hysteria until finally I went to the command chaplain. He immediately took the right steps and a full investigation was conducted. I received medical aid and counseling. My command supported me through the entire process and worked to get me transferred to another command while waiting on the court proceedings.
I wish I could say that my attacker was convicted and put away for a long time, but since I had waited so long to report the incident, there wasn't enough physical evidence to convict him on the most serious charges. How I wish I knew then what I know now; that the military has avenues to report these situations. But back then, I just wanted to crawl into a little ball and die.
So, that was 13 years ago. Since that time, I've gone on to proudly serve on eight different ships. I've survived job mergers, been promoted and seen the world. I've tried to help others by becoming a Sexual Assault Victims Advocate. And, just last year, the joy of my world entered my life when I gave birth to my daughter Isabella.
I am not alone. There are others out there like me ... men and women, military and civilian, who have been the victims of sexual assault. We are your wives, your daughters, your sisters, and yes, even your brothers and husbands. No one is immune. We are your wingmen, your shipmates, your comrades in arms.
The one thing we all have in common is that we live with the horrors of the past everyday, but we continue to go on. We have to. By being productive citizens, by helping others, by starting our families while living our lives to the fullest, we continually take back that which was so violently taken from us. We take back our pride.
Now, due to health reasons, it looks like I might be leaving the Navy. However, I'm thankful that I finally have the opportunity to share my story before I leave the military. I wish I didn't have to tell this story, but if writing it can help one other person feel they are not alone, then it will have been worth it.
Let me finish by giving you two phone numbers. To reach a Navy SAPR victim advocate call 843-478-8615. The Air Force SAPR victim advocate can be reached at 843-963-7272.